Reading… and Thinking

   If you have been foolish, exalting yourself, or if you have been devising evil, put your hand on your mouth.
   For pressing milk produces curds, pressing the nose produces blood, and pressing anger produces strife.

— Proverbs 30:32-33 (ESV)

Some things are inevitable. Death and taxes are sometimes cited as life’s only certainties, but there are other things that you can predict very confidently.

If you agitate milk that has the cream in it, you will get butter. Not right away, but if you keep at it there are properties in the cream that will change without fail, and you’ll end up with clumps of butter in the milk. Getting a little more unpleasant, if you grab someone’s nose and press or twist it, you’ll give them a nosebleed. Perhaps not if you just press it lightly or for a short time, but if you keep it up, you’ll get blood every time.

In the same vein, and getting still more serious, there are human behaviors that are pretty predictable. People get angry. This is a problem in itself, but isn’t the immediate point. The fact is that it happens. When someone else has become angry, they have lost control to some measure. You now hold in your hands the ability to determine the outcome. If you press forward with what has provoked the anger, what will happen? It is just about inevitable: there will be a serious breach between you. If you also become angry, and words are exchanged which become angrier and angrier, a rift will develop that may take a very long time to repair. It may never be possible to overcome.

The saddest fact is that there are people who manipulate this fact about human nature. They will deliberately fan a volatile situation to create strife, in order to serve their own ends. The world of politics is full of such tactics.

The Proverbs offer a far better choice. “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Prov 15:1) It’s not guaranteed, because sometimes people will deliberately stoke their own anger. But most of the time, meeting anger with gentleness will help the angry person to calm down, before a more serious problem becomes inevitable. Pretty obvious: restraining our mouth, holding back an angry response, and answering with gentleness is the course of love. It demonstrates concern for the other person. Even though they may (at the moment) be an enemy, and they may be completely wrong, you can help them. Just as clearly, pressing on anger is not a loving behavior.

When someone becomes angry at me, I should first ask why. The beginning verse above gives us a clue to the answer. Perhaps I have been foolish. Perhaps I have been exalting myself. Perhaps, even, I have had unworthy motives. The other person’s anger should be a warning flag. Very likely, it’s time to shut my mouth. If I don’t, I’m likely to provoke something that I will regret. I need to put my hand on my mouth, allow some space. And then, try a soft answer. What will I say? The most appropriate thing might be, “I’m sorry.” It may, after all, have been me that provoked the anger in the first place.